Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
