who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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