69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Boobs are out for the taking
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
