Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
