He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
