Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
