I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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