if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
