when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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