Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
