you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How does one acquire holy water?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Couch. On fire.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How naked do you want me to be?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
