so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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