Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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