so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
