I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
