Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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