Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
