I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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