You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize