2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
