This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
