had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
