So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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