One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
