quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
