final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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