dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
