WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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