well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
