the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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