my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
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Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
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In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
did i just pee glitter
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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