I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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