DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
