Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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