filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
