i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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