when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This baby is an asshole
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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