lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
