I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize