Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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