Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My feet surprised me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
