honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
