I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
