Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
