There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
