textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
