i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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