just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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