Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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