Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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