Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
