my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Enjoy the penises
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
