you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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