Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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