so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I supernannyed him into submission
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
