corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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