Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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