"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
