Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
