apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
