I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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