You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
