also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We need to get me chipped asap
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
tell me about the fingering
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